Stop ringing, stop ringing, STOP RINGING!

The phone. It's boring a hole through my cerebellum and causing horrific, unintended consequences. I cite the following evidence as proof that an incessantly ringing phone should be deemed psychological torture:

11am - I find myself rocking from side to side at my desk to the rhythm of the ringing. My broken office chair trembles under the weight of my growing insanity.

12pm - I've started hallucinating. There's a man walking back and forth past the window. Every so often he stops and giggles at a passing chipmunk. His ears take up approximately two thirds of the mass of his head.

1pm - I feel a wetness on my neck. My brain is leaking out of my ears.

2pm - loSt major3ity o  f motttor funczions. bRai n in p0ol on floooore...

3pm - The ringing has stopped. Could it be?!

3:04pm - Nope. All hope is lost.

Here, let me simulate the experience for you:

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING.

Come here phone, I'd like to give you a message on behalf of me and the internets:

In conclusion: Stfu, gtfo.