This morning I made an unfortunate discovery.
Unfortunately the only clean underwear I could find were of the no-rise variety. So I've resigned myself to spending the day wearing basically the equivalent of a garter belt.
Things were going good though, I'd woken up early, felt refreshed, everything was peachy. Until I tried to leave the house. To my right, against the wall, was an ant so big I swear I saw it blink. It gnashed it's mandibles at me and I dove for the door. That is, until I noticed that waiting for me on the door was a big, hairy spider. Just staring at me. What to do? I needed to lean against either the wall or the door in order to leave (our door opens inward; it's stupid that way).
So which was it to be? Giant, mutant ant or the hairy incarnation of all that is wrong with the world?
I made the obvious choice and went with the mutant ant. At least that way there was a chance of me garnering some freaky super-power as opposed to just flailing helplessly around my driveway with my underpants around my ankles while the spider tap-danced across my head.
True story.
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