Annoying People: THE REVENGE!

I may have a lot of free time at work but that's mainly because I work quickly and efficiently and thus finish things far too early. I like that. It gives me time to do my own thing. What I hate is when I spend four straight hours with my eyes glued to my monitor, not even pausing to pee until I've finished a pile of work, only to sit back and relax when I'm done and have one of my coworkers assume that I'm not doing anything. The following scene took place right after I'd finished a solid 4 hour block of mind-numbing transcription. I was still technically working by watching an outgoing DVD for quality control. It was another sermon. Apparently, this part of my job is unsatisfying to one of my managers.

Happy Baskets

I realized something today. Something shocking. Something... about grapes.

Grapes make me sad. They should be more cool. Other fruits are cool. Just look at cherries. Cherries are badass mother fuckers. They don't take flak from nobody! Try to diss a cherry and it will turn around and SHANK YOU!

Oranges are cool and they know it. They live in sunny places and get awesome commercial spots from Tropicana and Simply Orange.

But not grapes. Grapes are lame. Grapes are filler fruit. Like cantaloupe. Except cantaloupe makes me think of watermelon and watermelon makes me think of summer. And summer is cool. So by association, cantaloupe is also cool. Grapes are just sad. Don't get me wrong, I like grapes. I just don't feel as though they're pulling their weight. They're not contributing anything useful to the fruit community.

Just look at these smug little douchebags.

Stop ringing, stop ringing, STOP RINGING!

The phone. It's boring a hole through my cerebellum and causing horrific, unintended consequences. I cite the following evidence as proof that an incessantly ringing phone should be deemed psychological torture:

11am - I find myself rocking from side to side at my desk to the rhythm of the ringing. My broken office chair trembles under the weight of my growing insanity.

12pm - I've started hallucinating. There's a man walking back and forth past the window. Every so often he stops and giggles at a passing chipmunk. His ears take up approximately two thirds of the mass of his head.

1pm - I feel a wetness on my neck. My brain is leaking out of my ears.

2pm - loSt major3ity o  f motttor funczions. bRai n in p0ol on floooore...

3pm - The ringing has stopped. Could it be?!

3:04pm - Nope. All hope is lost.

Here, let me simulate the experience for you:

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING. RING.

Come here phone, I'd like to give you a message on behalf of me and the internets:

In conclusion: Stfu, gtfo.