Tuesday, July 12, 2011

William Shatner Would Be Proud

I went to the local Star Trek convention a few weeks ago and was accosted by a woman with a video camera. When asked if I wanted to participate in what sounded like "the world's longest con," I momentarily pictured myself pointing and laughing at Bernie Madoff and his amateurish scheme. I then summarily agreed. As did my companions. They however understood that we were to be contributing to the world's longest Khan and were not as disappointed as I was to be led to the side of the hotel to stand beside a tree and a pile of dirt.

I recovered quickly though and channeled all my rage towards Ricardo Montalbán and his glorious mop of 80s metal-esque hair. 


I think I got it down, no?

Our voices petered out pathetically towards the end...

If you'd like to see the actual footage, and the rest of the hilarious contributions to the longest Khan, go here: http://thelongkhan.com/

If you don't know what Khan is in reference to: shame on you. Go stand in the corner.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Pickle Surprise!

I have been accosted a number of times by spam bots on AIM. I have accepted this fact and moved on. Usually, I just ignore them. Today, however, I felt compelled to argue with a lifeless computer program:

[13:34] kirbcakes28: hi[13:35] sunburnedvampire: Hello?[13:35] kirbcakes28: Have we taIked before? 24/f here. You?[13:35] kirbcakes28: 18/f here.. what about you?[13:35] sunburnedvampire: ...[13:35] kirbcakes28: Oh ok. I wasnt sure. Well... What are you up to?[13:36] kirbcakes28: ohhh im sry i can b forgetful sometimes![13:36] sunburnedvampire: pickles[13:36] kirbcakes28: No sorry not on here[13:36] sunburnedvampire: pickles[13:37] kirbcakes28: I dont have any pics on this computer but i do have a cam baby [13:37] kirbcakes28: No sorry not on here[13:37] sunburnedvampire: PICKLES[13:38] kirbcakes28: sooo... wats up?[13:38] sunburnedvampire: ....dill pickles[13:38] sunburnedvampire: spicy[13:38] sunburnedvampire: pickles[13:38] sunburnedvampire: quoth the raven:[13:38] sunburnedvampire: PICKLES


Part of me really hopes that that was actually a person. And that they are sincerely and forever confused. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Adventures on The Futon Frontier

Occasionally I love my coworkers. One of them came up to me today, gave me a hug and said "Did you know that you are a wonderful person?" That was awesome. A few hours later another came up to me and asked if I spoke Spanish. I said no, but I do speak Italian. She then said this: "Oh I KNEW IT! Your face is so Italian. Like, I go to pizzerias and they're Italian and you look like that! Yay!"

....verbatim....

In other, more cynical and depressing news: I bought a futon from Ikea. The idea was to get rid of the couch and bed in my room and replace them with a futon to conserve space (and because I've always wanted a full-size bed). Well I did my research, chose the model, went to the store with Bradford and lugged it back home (he did most of the lugging while I mostly stood by and cheered him on half-heartedly). I spent the better part of a day assembling it, showered, then attempted to lay back and watch TV. I say attempted because when my ass hit the mattress all I heard was CLANG CLANG CLANG as my posterior went crashing through the wooden slats holding up the futon and I wound up on the floor with my feet in the air. They slats did not break, as I initially feared, rather the flimsy plastic things holding them up kept coming loose. I had what was basically the equivalent of a Playskool futon to support my weight. Needless to say, it wasn't going to cut it. So I sat on the floor and cried for a bit. Then lugged everything back downstairs and slept on the mattress on the floor.

I bought a new futon today from a place called Futon World. It's got a reinforced steel frame and a 5 year warranty. They also deliver and assemble it. So keep your fingers crossed that I don't break my tail bone!