No no no!

This is my last week here at the TV station. Here I am sitting at my desk in total silence when all of a sudden I hear this:

The guys in the back are watching it, on a loop, with the volume up to it's highest. I'm laughing so hard my tummy hurts...

Meme-orific!

So I just discovered that there's a Cardinal in New York City named Timothy Dolan.

I couldn't resist...

Adventures Abroad

Candi: I love Cabo but it's expensive
Candi: Jamaica's an option too
Candi: I have a meeting with a travel agent tonight
Bosco: Jamaican a good point
Candi: let's hope she's got some options too
Candi: I Haiti you -_-
Bosco: fuck
Bosco: i can't come up with a retort offhand
Candi: maybe you need to take a Chile pill
Candi: OH HO
Bosco: D<
Bosco: hmmm
Candi: now pardon me while I Peru-se the other vacation listings
Candi: I'M ON FIYAAA
Bosco: *siiiiiiigh*
Candi: these deals are great! I simply cannot Belize my eyes!
Bosco: Can you hear my tortured Wales of defeat?
Candi: I'd take Tim to karaoke but he Singapore
Bosco: Well wherever you can Bangkok sounds like a good time
Candi: Oman, did you taste that Turkey last night? So much Greece.
Bosco: Are you Dublin your efforts?
Candi: I don't Bolivia
Bosco: I Ottawa'sh your mind of this line of thinking.
Candi: I've tried! Iran and ran!
Bosco: Cairo you're trying, but can you try harder?
Candi: O-Cayman
Bosco: meh i'm tired
Candi: I concur
Candi: *wipes forehead*

Assholes

How NOT to get a job:

• Walk into an office uninvited.
• Be rude and condescending to the receptionist.
• LIE about your "meeting" with the hiring manager.
• Have your lie discovered.
• Be asked to leave.
• ARGUE.

Way to go, you absolute dumb bitch. I swear if she comes in again I'm calling the freaking cops...

Hate Is Such a Strong Word... Sometimes

This morning the hours were punctuated by a persistent caller. She has, at best, a tenuous grasp on the English language and an even shakier concept of what most of us would call "normal human interaction".

Our conversations went as follows:

After 2 hours of her calling every 5 minutes, on the dot, she began to get upset. She demanded to know what was taking so long. I repeated that my coworker was on a very important conference call with Korea and that I didn't know how long it would take. 

She replied, and I could not be more serious: "What!? That IMPOSSIBLE! Call Korea is expensive!" 

I said: "Yes but ma'am this is a business and we are Korean owned. We have to call out of the country very frequently."

She sputtered in disbelief: "NO! Is IMPOSSIBLE! Too expensive..."

*silence*

Me: "Ma'am?"

Her: "I call again 5 minutes."

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wieder Sehen... Goodbye

A ladybug fell on my desk this morning. I named her Grisham. Don't think about that too hard.

Anyway. She died. I am sad.

Rest in peace.

Stupidity

This is what Godiva deems appropriate supplies to host a party of 10+ people:

In case you can't tell that's 15 tiny cups (keep in mind this is a MARTINI PARTY), and 25 napkins. Oh and a handful of poorly cut recipe magnets. They also included a gift card to "purchase all the Godiva alcohol you'll need for your party." One bottle of Godiva vodka is $32+. The gift card? $20. I'm legitimately insulted by Godiva's insensitivity (during a recession no less!) and poor planning.

In comparison, check out what Benefit gave us:

Benefit sent us a giant box full of makeup. Dozens of samples of their newest products as well as 9 full size foundations in every color which they packaged in a gorgeous pink makeup totebag. They also included darling little gift bags for our guests to take samples home in AND a bag full of products for us to keep as hosts including: two types of blush, an amazing primer, eye shadow palette, eye brow cream, and more.

Bravo Benefit! I will be buying your products in the future (especially PoreFessional as it's absolutely AMAZING) and will be encouraging my guests to do so as well.

Shame on you, Godiva. You will not be receiving my business in the future.

Oh also: Happy Valentine's Day

When I woke up this morning I had no idea of the horrors that awaited me. I began my work day as usual, sitting at my desk playing a Facebook game, happy as can be.

Suddenly, a car pulled up to the door. I initially paid it no mind but it idled there for a long time so I eventually glanced up...

And there she was. Staring at me. Her eyes empty pits of despair. I was startled but I assumed she was waiting for someone so I went back to my "work."

...I'm not sure what made me look up...

Like some ghostly apparition she appeared standing just outside the door, still staring at me. Frozen in fear, I could not help but look back at her, feeling myself falling further and further into those sorcerer's pinwheels in her face. 

Finally I managed to tear my soul back from the wretched thing. But I couldn't very well leave her out in the cold. I invited her into the lobby to wait for whoever it was that she was here to see. There are two couches in the lobby and abundant floor space. Where did she chose to stand? Right in front of me. Staring. Staring. Forever. And I couldn't help but hear the whispered words of Edgar Allen Poe's prophetic masterpiece:

"Nevermore..."