Destructo-Candi

I have this nervous habit of tapping my foot or shaking my leg. I've had it since I was little and it used to drive my family members crazy (still does). I recently read an article that stated that this was a normal reaction to living a life that is predominantly sedentary. Humans aren't meant to sit around for hours. And in fact, this behavior should be encouraged in children as it not only helps them concentrate on their tasks, but also is a very effective way of burning calories (people who fidget burn on average 350 more calories daily than those who sit still, SUCK ON THAT!).

ANYHOO, back to the point of this rambling story. Yesterday, I was tapping my foot as usual.

When suddenly I heard a strange noise. A rumbling. A clattering. Like the Jolly Green Giant was sashaying across the roof. The building was shaking. And for a brief moment, I legitimately thought it was because of my foot-tapping. 

It turned out OK though. It was just an earthquake. No harm done.

And It Begins....

The other secretary is out today and she forwarded her phone to mine. So I've got to take all her idiotic and often unintelligible calls in addition to my own. Not 10 mins into my day this happens:

*phone rings*

Me: Good morning *company name*.
Woman: Hello, is *name* there?
Me: No, I'm sorry, she's out today.
Woman: Oh.... so she's not there?
Me: ....No
Woman: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. Would you like me to transfer you to her voicemail?
Woman: She's not there ALL DAY?
Me: Exactly.
Woman: At all?
Me: .....
Woman: Is she on vacation?
Me: I honestly don't know.
Woman: Will she be back later?
Me: She is out all day today.
Woman: Will she be back tomorrow?
Me: I think so?
Woman: Oh.... *click*

I hate people. I hate them so hard.

In A Nutshell

I'm a writer. And when I say I'm a writer, what I mean is I occasionally go through fits of inspiration and tear through paper (either real or digital) in a mad frenzy to essentially vomit up part of my brain as words, hopefully coherent ones. When inspiration strikes, all of my higher cognitive functions shut down and I become, for all intents and purposes, a drooling primate albeit with a higher words-per-minute count than the average Great Ape.

Me, while writing.

These moments are so rare and so precious, they take precedence over all other things. Occasionally this results in me sitting at my desk all day wearing headphones.... for no reason. 

Or worse, holding the phone for hours on end until someone asks me who I'm talking to and I'm forced to say "...nobody."

"Yes, it appears to be.... no one."

Sadly, as quickly as these moments come, they are gone ever quicker, often leaving me with a half-finished paragraph and a tingling urge to throw my monitor through a plate glass window.